Wednesday, June 18, 2008

A hot day in Sacramento, and I'm cranky

I get cranky and out-of-sorts when it gets above 100. The A/C is out at work (they swear it is working (sigh) but I've attached a thin piece of paper to the vent, and this paper moves like crazy when air is coming out. The paper is dead, not moving. There is no A/C) so I've been hot all day. I got a lot of work done today, but once I got to the shop this evening, working out in the garage, it's been terrible.

I go to San Diego to see Kipps tomorrow. He's been out of town doing the presentation and hob-knobbing bit again, so he is doubling up on clinic days. I'm sure he is tired from his trip and seeing so many patients. His patient load is growing more and more, I think.

For the first time, I'm worried about my treatment. I've failed two treatments so far, and the FCR plus lumiliximab just seems dangerous to me. This is real chemo with nasty drugs that cause mutations in normal and CLL cells.

I don't have anything to base this on, but I'm usually accurate in my prognostic dreams and feelings. I'm not happy about feeling worried. But I suppose I have to do something for my growing CLL problem, and they don't have anything good to offer me. We are down to the second and third tier drugs that have major side effects.

And, Dr. Castro two weeks ago said I should be thinking of moving to a transplant. Dr. Weirda just about promised me three years of remission with FCR, but obviously UCSD doesn't think I'll last that long.

Worrisome. But we all die sometime. I'm having that lesson drummed into me like there is no tomorrow (bad choice of words?).

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