Retirement?

I haven't retired yet! I found out that they change the retirement benefit upwards every quarter. The factor is related to your birthday, so as my birthday is in July, I will retire soon. (Because I have been so ill, I've been ready to retire on any day if my disease took a serious turn for the worse. So my wife says she will believe it when she sees that I've signed the paperwork.)

I have a number of reports to get done. Management is so anal-retentive (all woman management now, no men wanted), I have to go through every piece of paper and file it. So part of my day is now spent filing. We used to have secretaries do that, but we now need an analyst to file papers. Not smart nor efficient, but they don't ask me.

I will miss going to work. I like my job researching and writing, and I like most of my co-workers. We have a new set of managers (all women, of course) and they don't care if the work gets done, as long as you follow all the rules to the letter. No making up time (my old manager was great, which was nice since I ran out of sick leave a long time ago, and would have to use vacation time.

Baby boomers highly identify with their jobs. We find our place in the world based upon what we do. So I am not going to really retire. Not the kind of retirement where I'm lazing around the house, watching Judge Judy, bothering my wife. I've already signed up to take some classes, so I will be a part-time student. And I have my rentals to work on. I will just have more flexible management (me)!

Hangin' in there

My blood counts in San Diego were truly worrisome. My white count, which had been recovering more or less from the end of treatment, dropped a bit a week before the SD trip. In San Diego, it took a huge drop, overall from 2.5 to 2.0 and then to 1.3. My absolute neutrophil count, though, was hovering over the magic 500 cut-off. I think it was something like 680.

I try not to take Neulasta or Neupogen unless I am in danger. After my first treatment with HDMP+R, my white count went down to 0.0. That's probably a false number, since I understand that in most labs, anything under 100 or so just leads to false readings. But I did end up spending four unpleasant days in the hospital, with a temperature maxing out around 105. Very dangerous territory.

A couple of years ago, after HDMP+R, but before ISF-35 and the hated FCR, my neutrophil count dropped to 103. The nurse apologized to me, saying he was sorry my count was low. I thought that was a bit weird, but maybe he thought I might not be around much longer. It's been two or three years, so luckily that never happened.

I was very worried that my counts would keep on dropping, so I had a CBC on Monday, five days after my last test. My white blood count bumped up to the usual low, but better, level of 2.5. My neutrophil percentage is at the normal (for me) level of 50%, so I'm OK, and don't need a $9,000 Neulasta shot.

I wonder how long that will be available for me? (Though the thing I really worry about is the IVIg, which is hellishly expensive, about $16,000 a month. My insurance pays for that, at least for now, but as time goes on, and government health care kicks in, this may go quicker than a dollar bill on a New York sidewalk (sorry, just made that up, though I'm probably not the first to use the saying)).

How do I feel? I was feeling fatigued and kind of low around the time of my SD trip, but now I seem to have rebounded a bit. I'm back to work full-time, and trying to salvage some folders (paper) that have mysteriously disappeared. What a pain to have to do over what you've already spent weeks to do previously!

I am going to retire this July, after 36+ years on the job. I can't really afford to, but my CLL is not going to let me go, apparently, so I just have to draw the line somewhere. I'll be 60 (the big 60...bummer!).

Unfortunately, like many CLL patients, I'm too sick to travel much, and the impaired immune system won't let me go to the places I'd REALLY like to go to, such as Mongolia and Vietnam and places such as that.

My advice to you? Travel now while you still can! (The crash has left me pretty broke, and that factors in as well.)

Memorial Day is upon us in the States; I'd like to have a picnic. Our tomatoes are coming along, and our peas are just taking off with the warm weather. Unfortunately, they won't be ready by Monday, but hopefully soon!